Monday, May 18, 2009

c'mon everybody! do the dharamshala!!!

hello again. (it's a long one so bear with me please)
long time eh? well I've been busy so fuck off.
sorry... didn't mean to yell at you.
let's get down to business, someone has to write this stuff down.
so i'm in Dharamshala right? and i got here 3 weeks ago... right?
and i'm tra-ve-ling right? so... there has to be a reason for me to stay in one place and
go nowhere and see nothing for 3 weeks eh?
well... it's heaven here. and except for the fact that it's heaven it's also as cheap as hell.
and so...
i got here 3 weeks ago.
and since then I've been as busy as anyone would be surrounded by cheap food, music and a totally un-reasonable and completely crazy amount of garas.
To the point that you actually look around and consider bagsu to be a drug factory designed in the matrix to increase global food consumption.
or maybe it's a scheme of the Indian government to start their own colonial empire by
making people eat Indian food and learn yoga to the point of pacifism.
now when it comes to me... as everyone knows I'm strictly against drug abuse. but...
well, i do condone mild drug use when it is legal, and mother did say...

"Сын, если возможность представляет себе, захватить ее яйца, и получите все, что вы можете из ее!"

which would be translated freely to "son, when an opportunity present's itself, grab it by the balls and milk it dry!"
and i do. mother can be very tough if i don't listen to her. even if i am half way around the planet it doesn't mean I'm not scared...
So i stay in vague consciousness most of the time which is better than all the time isn't it?

Now, a lot of people come to India to achieve spiritual enlightenment.
well, I, Ben poliak have finally achieved the 3rd degree of food enlightenment.
here are the main breakthroughs I've achieved.
first and foremost: mint tea.
it is the core of my existence, the apple of my eye and the only thing that might stop the apocalypse if consumed correctly by enough people.
second: is coming...
everything you order will allways be "is coming" for as long as 2 hrs. (probably meant to give the food a mystic "flow" feeling, in the "everything is constantly moving" spirit)
third: masala
everything, no no... absolutely everything is with masala! as a consequence everything is a bit spicy and everything gives benny (that's me...) heart burn.
And yet... it's still so much cheaper to get a heartburn in india than it is in other countries.
You already know what my mom thinks about opportunities... (even if it is for a painful condition)
Let us all move on to the substance related section...
have you ever smoked a joint? and said to yourself "wow, this is great. all i need is a tv or anything at all to occupy my eyes and tought and i'm all set for the apocalypse".
An hour passes, your not as ready anymore, your friends are not as funny anymore. and now your completely convinced your dog is not the genious he presents himself to be...
Now sure, you could smoke another one, but your too lazy to even move your head around for a better angle at the tv.
solution?
GARAS COOKIES!!!
tada...!!!
The best minds of our time (B' you stupid idiot!) decided after several experiments to
create the garasiest cookies of all time. (idiot!)
convinced 4 of us that it's probably one of the best things we could do to and with ourselves
and the next day we each had a chocolate cookie with very little (or if you ask me none at all)
cacao inside and a lot of the other brown stuff (not the toilet stuff!!! bad readers! bad!)
so we ate them, encouraged by our friends (B'...you fuckin' moron!!!) and by our drive for success, in any field, specifically substance abuse.
we were promised the world. to remain happy and high for as long as we wanted to...
instead... we got.... this:
We had our cookies. we were anxious to get the experience going. A few minutes pass and
J is giggling. what's up? nothing nothing... it's just funny how that light looks like an antler who's having sex with a turtle... HAHAHA... we all laugh. J is hillerios when your high.
he's about as funny as a termite stricken coffin when your not...
we all gradually get up from our bakery lounge and head on to the next place.
we decided we need a place with a television, so we can learn something while were doing
our best to stay perfectly still.
so we get there, i sit down. look at the menu, concentrating to read really slowly...
(just trying to
really enjoy the letters and numbers) order some kind of pasta, look at wall-e on the tv set.
I get so into it that i'm so happy when he meets eve i practically cry when understand that
these "robots" have human emotions!!! just like me... or B, or J...
i close my eyes for a second. i need to pee! i open my eyes. wall-e is in danger! they're trying to kill him!!! but why?! why?! i like him!!! he's like me!!! i try to close my eyes and keep the images away. i stumble up, go to the toilets and hope it's not too late.
it's ok, i can still control this function. i'm the MAN!!! i get back. my pasta is there, i lift one penne and try to reach my mouth. i fail. try again. got it! it's in my mouth, i think i'm chewing it... it's over. i got it in my stomach. let this be a proof of the human spirit! but enough of that.
i look at the screen, madagaskar 2. a dancing lion, this is just irrational! i close my eyes in fear of the fact that it's just one dancing lion now but in the future there could be thousands! millions!!! lions dancing in our electric cars and on our graves...
but never mind, i can hear J saying he thinks he's dead, i hear A saying he just figured out how
his conciousness works, i can see B, he's here, but not really. he's trying to win in a staring contest against the television. and winning!
i close my eyes. open, people, someone places a blanket on me, "this is sparta!" in the background.
close, open. other people. J and A are in the same state i am. "i am beowolf" in the background. still too scary to come around.
close, open. 7 hours passed since we got here... i can move my feet now. i can understand human speech. i'm free! i'm never doing this again! ever!
well...
maybe just never have a whole one...

so this is it. heading to kasol next i think. maybe to manali, who know's? time will tell my friends, time will tell...

1 comment:

  1. I laughed, I cried, this post had everything...

    ReplyDelete